Day 42:

Seeing all those things that you said to others, it made my heart bleed. So all along, while I have been sending you those goodnight and good morning texts, you were doing it to others. So all these while, everything that I did for you and those sweet texts that I sent to you, you have been sending it to others. You have been making your life so worthwhile and interesting. All the things you did, you never expected me to find out but I did. All the things you said, all the things that happened within these 42 days, all the guys that you flirt with, all the guys that you talked to, every single thing is like a fucking sharp blade, it just pierced through my heart. I cannot take it anymore, you make me feel like disappearing from this world for awhile. You made me feel like I had been doing all those things for you, like it's nothing. You made me feel like the person that I love so deeply is gone. You made me feel like everything we had is gone with the wind, within these 42 days. They say not everyone who leaves your life is a regret, but you are definitely mine. That is the reason why I am doing all these for you, not wanting anything in return. But just a bit of your attention will do.

In the end, all I got are these. The hurt that you are returning me is 100 times the hurt I have given you. If you really do love me, why are you doing all these to me. Why are you hurting me so badly. Why are you hurting me like I deserved to be hurt. Do you really still love me.

全部人都不明白为什么我要等你，为什么我要让你伤害我。但是他们真的不懂，他们真的不明白你的好，他们真的不明白你是怎样的人，他们真的不明白我有多爱你。你明白吗，你明白为什么我放不下你吗，你明白我有多爱你吗，你明白我有多痛吗。。等你等到我心痛，等你等到没有梦。我为你做了那么多，从来不奢求什么。我只希望你开心。倘若我真的离开了你的生命，你会比较开心吗？你会比较自由吗？四十二天了，我熬过来了。我熬过了没有你四十二天的日子了。我假装开心，我假装坚强已经四十二天了。我真的不知道如果你真的不在我生命里，我以后的路应该怎么走。为什么我这么笨，为什么我这么傻，为什么当初我没有好好的珍惜你。为什么我要在失去你之后，我才学会怎么爱你，我才学会了怎么珍惜。。为什么当我决定要好好努力做工，努力存钱给你好的将来的时候，你要在这个时候放弃我。为什么你要放弃我，为什么你要离开我，为什么你不能再给我多一点的时间，为什么你不能再给我多一次机会。。。我知道是我的错，但是如果你还爱我的话，为什么你不可以再等我多一段时间。我真的这么错吗，我真的不值得你原谅吗，我真的不值得你的爱吗。从我们开始到现在，我都尽我的能力把最好的都给你。就算知道那个月会不够钱，我都会把最好的给你。我经常发脾气，我经常耍脾气只是想要你哄我。有很多次都不是真正的生气。你说我不懂你，你说我把你当成理所当然，可是我真的没有。。我把自己亲手推入悬崖，我断送了自己的幸福线。我不知道没有你，我还能撑多久。我不知道我还能假装坚强多久，我不知道我还能哭到什么时候。但是我承诺过，只要我还爱你的一天，我都会等你。我都会等你。。