Day 44:

"只要看到你的笑，什么都值得。"

Finally had a meal with you again this afternoon, at your house. Although it may mean nothing to you, it means everything to me. Although it's just a simple meal, it's really contenting enough for me. Being able to hear your voice, being able to buy food for you when you are craving for it, being able to feel you, being able to smell your smell, that is what I lived for. I may have neglected all of that before, but never will I neglect anything about you again.

Looking at the cranky you when you just woke up, you feel so familiar. I just feel like hugging and cuddling the fuck out of you when I stepped into your house but I know I can't. Holding back all my emotions, I looked at you. I really can't take my eyes off you for a single minute, I am afraid I wouldn't have the chance to do that anymore if I let that slipped past me. I fucking cherish every moment I spend with you now, cause I know I can't afford to lose you anymore. I can't afford to let you treat me like a stranger anymore. I can't afford to make you upset anymore.

I'd rather lose everything in my life, than to lose you.

Day 43:

"I wanted words but all I heard was nothing."

Never knew what is it like to cry every single day, never knew what is it like to miss someone so fucking badly but that person isn't around. Never knew what is it like to lose my whole fucking world, never knew what is it like to live in regrets. Never knew what is it like to never have another chance again, never knew what is it like to try so hard for something. Never knew what is it like to be so strong on the outside when I'm breaking apart in the inside. Never knew what is it like to be excluded in your life. I never knew a lot of things, until 43 days ago. When I lose you.

这痛，我怎么赶也赶不走。你的影子，仿佛跟随着我。怎么办，好颓废。

Day 42:

Seeing all those things that you said to others, it made my heart bleed. So all along, while I have been sending you those goodnight and good morning texts, you were doing it to others. So all these while, everything that I did for you and those sweet texts that I sent to you, you have been sending it to others. You have been making your life so worthwhile and interesting. All the things you did, you never expected me to find out but I did. All the things you said, all the things that happened within these 42 days, all the guys that you flirt with, all the guys that you talked to, every single thing is like a fucking sharp blade, it just pierced through my heart. I cannot take it anymore, you make me feel like disappearing from this world for awhile. You made me feel like I had been doing all those things for you, like it's nothing. You made me feel like the person that I love so deeply is gone. You made me feel like everything we had is gone with the wind, within these 42 days. They say not everyone who leaves your life is a regret, but you are definitely mine. That is the reason why I am doing all these for you, not wanting anything in return. But just a bit of your attention will do.

In the end, all I got are these. The hurt that you are returning me is 100 times the hurt I have given you. If you really do love me, why are you doing all these to me. Why are you hurting me so badly. Why are you hurting me like I deserved to be hurt. Do you really still love me.

全部人都不明白为什么我要等你，为什么我要让你伤害我。但是他们真的不懂，他们真的不明白你的好，他们真的不明白你是怎样的人，他们真的不明白我有多爱你。你明白吗，你明白为什么我放不下你吗，你明白我有多爱你吗，你明白我有多痛吗。。等你等到我心痛，等你等到没有梦。我为你做了那么多，从来不奢求什么。我只希望你开心。倘若我真的离开了你的生命，你会比较开心吗？你会比较自由吗？四十二天了，我熬过来了。我熬过了没有你四十二天的日子了。我假装开心，我假装坚强已经四十二天了。我真的不知道如果你真的不在我生命里，我以后的路应该怎么走。为什么我这么笨，为什么我这么傻，为什么当初我没有好好的珍惜你。为什么我要在失去你之后，我才学会怎么爱你，我才学会了怎么珍惜。。为什么当我决定要好好努力做工，努力存钱给你好的将来的时候，你要在这个时候放弃我。为什么你要放弃我，为什么你要离开我，为什么你不能再给我多一点的时间，为什么你不能再给我多一次机会。。。我知道是我的错，但是如果你还爱我的话，为什么你不可以再等我多一段时间。我真的这么错吗，我真的不值得你原谅吗，我真的不值得你的爱吗。从我们开始到现在，我都尽我的能力把最好的都给你。就算知道那个月会不够钱，我都会把最好的给你。我经常发脾气，我经常耍脾气只是想要你哄我。有很多次都不是真正的生气。你说我不懂你，你说我把你当成理所当然，可是我真的没有。。我把自己亲手推入悬崖，我断送了自己的幸福线。我不知道没有你，我还能撑多久。我不知道我还能假装坚强多久，我不知道我还能哭到什么时候。但是我承诺过，只要我还爱你的一天，我都会等你。我都会等你。。

Day 36:

很困扰。。不知道要怎么让你知道不知道要怎么让你了解我还是那么爱你。难道我们就这样，真的没有了吗？真的一切都结束了吗？你对我一点爱，都没有保留吗？真的是心碎了一地。
其实现在，不管我知道你怎么骗我，怎么折磨我都好，我不知道要怎么放弃你，放弃我们之间所拥有的。我不知道要怎么放下这段感情，这些回忆。我还是会等你，等你有一天亲口对我说一句 ‘我原谅你，我爱你。’

你是我最宝贝，最疼爱过的人。。想疼你，像爱护你，这种感觉。。要怎样在别人的身上才能找到？一辈子都不可能。你是多么的特别，多么的与众不同。还有谁能够像你那样爱我，那样疼我，给我那种我从来就没有过的感觉。

很多人都责骂我，问我为什么还对你那么死心踏地，为什么你都这样对我了，我还是可以让你伤害我。这不算什么， 只要有一天你能够发现我一直都在，那就足够了。可能会有别人能够给你你现在所要的，但是我相信绝对没有一个人能够让你感受到相同的爱。

回来吧，我的宝贝。回到我身边，让我继续疼爱你好吗。我们都原谅彼此所犯的错误，好吗。。。。

Day 35:

天快亮了　能不能别离开呢
沉默像首悲伤的歌　无声视线却模糊了
你要走了　也带走所有快乐
甜蜜的片段散落了
你倦了　心冷了　我哭了

那流星闪过　我们许下一个愿望
要在一起　绝不分离　你怎么放弃了

星空在闪烁　像你的眼泪　悄悄划过
当你放开了手　离开的时候
有没有一点舍不得我
泪光在闪烁　而我的眼泪忍住　不敢坠落
我还留在黑暗中守候
你却已经远远　离开我

离开我了　梦醒了还剩什么
我要的幸福消失了
你的心曾经属於我的

那流星闪过　我们许下一个愿望
要在一起　绝不分离　你怎么放弃了

星空在闪烁　像你的眼泪　悄悄划过
当你放开了手　离开的时候
有没有一点舍不得我
泪光在闪烁　而我的眼泪忍住　不敢坠落
我还留在黑暗中守候
你却已经远远　离开我
有过的快乐我都记得
回忆还旋转着　爱怎么停了
我们都泪了

星空在闪烁　像你的眼泪　悄悄划过
当你放开了手　离开的时候
有没有一点舍不得我
泪光在闪烁　而我的眼泪忍住　不敢坠落
我还留在黑暗中守候
你却已经远远　离开

又开始胡思乱想了，又开始很想很想你了。。你现在会过得比较开心吗？没有我的日子里，你好吗？如果真的有一天，你可以亲口告诉我你找到了可以给你更多，可以让你更幸福的人，我会放手让你自由。我只想你开心幸福。如果真的没有我你可以过的比较快乐，我会渐渐走远。我很爱很爱你，多想可以亲口再跟你说声‘我爱你’。。还有这个可能吗？思念一天比一天强烈，你会回到我身边吗。。小宝贝，我真的很想你。你知道吗。

Day 33:

我忘不了 我們曾不只是朋友
從今以後 思念再走不到盡頭
你曾經緊緊地 把我擁在你懷中
我要如何去假裝 你沒有愛過

Day 31:

昨天我又做了一些傻事。我真的不知道为什么我还坚持这么做，我真的不知道我其实还在执著些什么。但是我每一次想到你，想到我们之间所拥有的回忆，我都告诉我自己这一切总有一天一定会得到回报的。

you keep telling me to move on and to forget about you, you keep telling me not to wait for you anymore cause you will feel stressed by it. i understand that you really wna lead your own life now with all the fun and freedom you've been deprived of since you got together with me, i understand how you are feeling right now and of course, i understand that for you to get back together with me, it's almost impossible. almost. i'm not living in self denial, i know since day one that you might not come back to me anymore. but as long as i'm still in love with you, there's nothing i can't do and there's no time that is long enough to stop me from waiting for you. it might be tough for me, to see you having fun and being so happy without me in your life, to see you treating me as your friend. but i don't care. as long as i feel and think that it's worth it, i'm always gna do it.

5 months, 5 years or even 50 years. i will still be here whenever you need me to, and as long as you nod your head, i will be the one who brings to you happiness and love once again. trust me, that day will come. it will.

i miss you so fucking much.

Day 29:

Planted a kiss on your cheek again and it feels so warm.
Heart wreckingly warm.

You are not mine now, but I will make you mine again soon. I promise.
I miss you so fucking much

Day 27:

不是别人，就是我们，从陌生人变情人

关于爱我总无奈，是你让我有天分

你的动人变成伤人，陌生有点不玩转

你却提醒我存在，明白痛的可能

就这样比我勇敢

因为你走了，我走不开。。

我的爱没有限日期

就算只是朋友的距离

把我全部的爱留给你

就在你说分手之后

我知道已经来不及

我也不会去说明

把我全部的爱留给你

就在你说分之后

你说分手之后。。

You will forever be my little sweetheart. 

Day 26:

You will be back someday and I will love you even better this time. I promise to take care of you when you are old and sick. I promise to be there whenever you need someone and never throwing you alone to face it again. I promise to kick away all my old bad habits because I finally realize how much you were suffering alone these 2 years. You told me what's done is done and nothing will ever be the same again. Yes, I believe nothing's gna be the same again because I am going to do it better this time. I don't want to continue living my life like that anymore, I don't want to live in misery everyday drowning in the thoughts of you. I just want to hold you close like last time and I fucking swear upon my life you are never getting away from me again. I assure you that there will never be any fucking ridiculous lies again, I assure you that I will make you smile everyday even on your worst days, I assure you that I will love you more than anyone else that comes into your life. The things that I assure you now, are all the things that I will continue doing for my entire life. I won't be the same again.

Keeping you close till the day I die, till the day you don't love me anymore. Keeping you close to dote on you, keeping you close to see that lovely smile on your face and keeping you close to love you with everything I have, as well as loving you for who you really are. I will keep you close, no matter how much it takes, I will keep you close.