Maybe I should restart the number of days I have been counting since we broke up. Because right now, you really have decided to go off with someone new and leave me behind in your life already. I think I am crazy, I am still imagining the day when you will be back into my arms again.
The sorry(s) that I have told you in the letter can never be any more sincere. I pray and hope for your forgiveness. For letting you become the person you don't want to be. For breaking your heart a thousand times when all I really wanted to do was to take care of it for life. For letting you cry alone even when I am sleeping beside you every night and for letting loneliness devour you alive. For all the things that you've sacrificed, for all the times you put down your pride, for all the times where you apologized when it's not really your wrong, for all the times you tolerated my lies. It's never easy for you and maybe you are right, you are choosing to walk away from a toxic relationship which drains all of your energy and happiness from you. You are right to do that and I know no matter how much I say I won't let you go through the same shit again, you can never feel the same way towards me. I am sorry for letting all the hurt get to you because honestly, I can see myself loving you for my whole life. Maybe I didn't know how to love you right. Maybe the love I have for you becomes a selfish obsession of keeping you by my side. When you love someone, all you want is for them to be happy right?
Everyone is telling me that you are much happier right now, and I am getting so much mixed feeling from hearing that. How I wish I could have been the one putting the smile on your face everyday instead of someone else. How I wish I could have been the one kissing your pain away every night when the world's weight gets too heavy for you. All these wishing and praying got to go because you are not mine to call and hold anymore. The space that you are taking up in my heart keeps getting bigger, I am not even sure if my heart has anymore space for anything and anyone else. Do I still see myself loving you and all your flaws after all these that had happened? Yes, I do. Do I still miss you like mad every single day? Yes, I do. I don't know how to detach myself from you and that really sucks.
I still strongly believe someday I will be able to fight for your forgiveness and we will be happily ever after. And I will be waiting. Waiting for that day to arrive. Time will tell and time will prove everything. Time will set everything into the right place and I hope I won't destroy everything myself again. I will love you right this time. I won't ever let you get away again.
Till then, I will always love you.
