I want so much for you to be back by my side. But I look at myself, I think about what I can give to you, I can't think of anything much. I look at my bank balance and I feel pathetic. I am constantly at a war with myself. Every part of me wants you back, but my senses are tell me that I must be successful and financially independent first before I dare to call you mine again.
When you are truly in love with someone, you always want to give them your best. No matter what happens, their happiness will always come to your mind first. This is my promise to you, I will use the last penny in my pocket to make you happy. I will do whatever it takes to give you a better life. I want to break free of the past life we used to have. Those days where I can't even afford to bring you out for a better meal, those days where I have to think so much and consider about so many factors before I can buy something for you. Those days where we keep saying "YOLO", and ending up being so pathetic when the end of the month comes. I know you didn't mind, but deep in my heart, I mind so much. I kept scolding myself useless, I kept blaming myself for letting you spend your off days at home when I know all you wanted was to go out. Maybe that's why when you told me you are so sick and tired of staying at home everyday, it really hurts. Because deep inside me I know you will get bored of it, but I don't have the capability to bring you out. \
There are so many things left unsaid when we were still together. How I wish you knew about all those things. How I wish you knew that I was planning for us and our future all along when I kept you at home. How I wish you would have understand that I didn't keep you at home for all of your off days on purpose. How I wish you knew that I wanted to go out and have a proper date with you too on our off days. How I wish you knew I was saving in secret for our first overseas trip together, but the money has now been used to get you the handbag you wanted long ago. How I wish you knew that every time when I say next time, I was already planning for it in my head. I don't blame you for not knowing, because all these things I did not mentioned about it before. I don't blame you for getting bored of me and the things I did, because if I were you I will feel the same way too. I don't blame you for letting go of my hands, because you were in pain.
I knew everything, I just didn't do anything and it's really too late for regrets now. But things are gradually getting better as the days goes by. I really hope that the day is nearing for me to hold you in my arms and being able to call you mine again. When that time comes, I will be the happiest living being on Earth and I will treat you like a princess, for the next 50 years and for as long as I live. You will always be the one I treasure the most. No matter who enters my life, I promise. No matter how big the storm is, I promise. No matter how much it takes, I promise. To never let go of your hands and to kiss away your pain. To dance with your demons. To see your dark side and to love you even more. To play with your hair and hug you to sleep. I promise. This love will never die. I love you.
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